I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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