Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
