Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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