he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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