She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
