3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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