dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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