Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
