Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
