I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
