Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
