Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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