Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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