We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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