There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
