I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
