new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
