pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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