They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You did what with his pubic hair?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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