is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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