He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
