i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
