finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Alive.
So much puke
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
