pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
COCAINE IS GR8
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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