Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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