Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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