I accidentally burped into my bong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
