i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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