Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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