I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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