She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
