I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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