i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How's work?
Spinning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
