you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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