He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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