My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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