So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
