Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
