ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
