his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
