and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That accounts for only three of the penises
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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