yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
