wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
