I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
