And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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