I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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