So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
