chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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