I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
