It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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